Beyond the Mask: Understanding Vulnerability

As a principle, every psychologist is expected to engage in therapy before they can begin working with clients. Now this isn't a rule set in stone but in many counselling programs there is often the personal therapy requirement that we all fulfill. Why do I bring this up? Because vulnerability is a difficult thing even for counsellors and mental health professionals. When I first went to therapy, I remember asking myself what was right and wrong to say and whether this 'stranger' (at the time) would judge me. Of course, I eventually got used to opening up and sharing (and gained a new appreciation for the trust and courage clients have) but I realised that alot of people ask themselves similar questions.

In our day to day lives, we encounter situations that call us to be vulnerable. In your case, it may not be going to therapy for the first time. It may be proposing to your partner, sending out your resume to prospective employers or posting something on the internet. Each of those situations can inspire some anxiety about opening up and letting ourselves be seen. This anxiety while quite natural, can sometimes hold us back from being real with ourselves and those around us. For this reason, I wanted to take this time to share some of the things I have learned and am still learning about vulnerability.

Vulnerability is our ability to open up and let others see us. I don't just mean letting them see all the good things, I mean really letting others in and showing them even the parts of us that we consider 'flawed'. Now you might think that this is an easy task but the truth is, alot of people struggle with being vulnerable. Especially in today's world, where everything we see is always positive and uplifting, acknowledging that we are not okay may seem daunting. Whenever we see people on social media openly come out to share their struggles we commend for being brave. By definition bravery is the ability to act despite fear. This presupposes that vulnerability is something we fear.

Why? Simply, because its uncomfortable and it means walking into the unknown. When we are vulnerable, we open ourselves up to scrutiny. We don't know how the other person will react or respond to our quirks, we have no control over the situation. This uncertainty is what makes vulnerability challenging because it inspires anxiety in us; anxiety about being rejected, shamed or judged as inadequate. But isn't uncertainty the reality of life? We never really have control, not over others at least and certainly not over their opinions about us. All we have control over is ourselves and our behaviour. So we may never be able to remove discomfort from vulnerability. When you first try it, it will be uncomfortable but the more you do it; the more you share, the easier it becomes. The goal is continous progress.

When we hold back, we protect ourselves from the idea of being hurt and rejected, however, we also keep ourselves locked in with our pain. "The walls that guard you are the same walls holding you hostage and my, isn't it lonely?" The basic truth is, human beings are built for connection. We thrive when we can form intimate relationships with one another. This intimacy, however, is enhanced by vulnerability. Now, i'm not suggesting that you simply be vulnerable with everyone, excercise discretion because not everyone will be able to handle the weight of your story. As you attempt vulnerability, its good to remember that trust and vulnerability go hand in hand. Trust builds vulnerability and vulnerability builds trust. It's a gradual process, it doesn't happen overnight.

I don't know where you are on your journey in terms of vulnerability. Truth is, we are all at different points. Some people lay it all on the table, while others like to hold back, assess and evaluate. Each of these approaches is fine as long as it doesn't limit you from living your authentic truth. We all have struggles. We all have flaws. We all have areas in our lives we are working on and trying to improve. There is no shame in sharing your story and letting yourself be heard.

In my own journey i've learned that opening up, exposes you to three kinds of people; those who are going through something similar and can walk with you as you encourage one another, those who have already experienced what you are going through and can provide you with knowledge on how to manoeuvre and those who are yet to go through something similar and could benefit from your story.

In case you are struggling with vulnerability and would like support, feel free to reach out to me today and book a consultation. Remember, your story is powerful. Your feelings are valid and you are allowed to take up space. Have a lovely week ahead and stay intentional.

(PS: Check out my other posts on navigating guilt and imposter syndrome. Subscribe to my blog to get notified every time I post and follow me on my social media handles to keep in touch.)