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“In my room, in the dark, I understood what I had never before what no one else seemed to. I understood how a boy could go into the woods with a bullet and a gun and not come out. That there was no conspiracy or evil influences or secret rituals; that sometimes there’s only pain and the need to make it stop” – Robin Wasserman
For a lot of people in the African context, suicide was and still is a phenomenon we barely talk about. It’s often swept under the rug and many people who experience suicidal thoughts often shy away from talking about it from fear of being seen as ‘weak’. Some of the questions I hear when the topic comes up include; “why would someone want to take their own life?” and “Don’t they know that people out there are going through worse?”
Suicide is one of the leading causes of mortality in several countries across the world. Close to 800,000 people die by suicide every year. In Kenya, the statistics have gradually increased over the last couple of years. Why? Because people are experiencing emotional pain and they don’t know how to fully express it.
For the longest time, physical pain has been easier to understand because it’s what we can see. We can see someone walking with crutches, we can see someone with a cast on their hand but we can’t really see someone’s emotional pain can we? At least not until they express it. September is suicide prevention awareness month. We can no longer sit on the sidelines and assume that this does not affect us, our friends, family members, co-workers and those around us. So let’s all pull together and support one another.
In case you know someone who is experiencing suicidal thoughts (active – with a well thought out plan or passive – without a plan) encourage them to talk about what they are feeling, you would be surprised how much the act of listening without judgement could help. I am emphasising the aspect of listening without judgement because we often find ourselves judging subconsciously. The truth is their story may not seem like a ‘big deal’ to you. However, it is for them and their feelings are valid. The same way you wouldn’t want someone to judge and invalidate your feelings is the same way others wouldn’t either. So let’s try and hear one another out. Let’s try to validate each other’s feelings. Validating them doesn’t mean you fully understand what they are going through nor does it mean that you agree with them. However, it does mean that you acknowledge that those feelings and those thoughts are their truth in that moment and that’s enough.
Also, pay attention to their language and behaviour. People experiencing suicidal thoughts may not always out rightly say what they are going through. They may say things like ‘I feel empty', 'I feel hopeless', 'my family would be happier without me', 'I feel like a burden', 'I don’t see a way out of this', 'I just want the pain to stop’. Each of these phrases could be indicative of deeper emotional feelings at play. This is where encouraging them to talk would help.
Gentle disclaimer: if you feel that you would not be able to handle the weight of their story or if hearing their story would trigger you in any way, encourage them to talk to a professional. There are many qualified psychologists who are ready and willing to walk with people on their journey. There is no shame in admitting that you may need help.
Thirdly, believe them. Individuals who experience suicidal thoughts often confide in someone about it. In the event that this happens to you, kindly take note that they are not trying to get attention by talking about it. Sometimes, we are the last lifeline that our loved ones have. Our words have power. It’s important to recognize the impact of your words. You may be the person that helps another walk off the ledge in a time of despair.
Last but not least, take care of yourself as well. Supporting loved ones who are experiencing suicidal thoughts can be emotionally taxing. As much as you would like to listen to them and help them through their journey, it should not come at the expense of your own mental health. Remember that it’s okay for you to talk about your own feelings in the matter. It’s okay for you to express yourself. Your feelings are also valid. So, in the event that you are playing the role of caregiver to someone who has attempted suicide or is having suicidal thoughts, remember to take time to pour into yourself as well. It is never easy hearing about the depth of pain a loved one is experiencing. Therapy can be highly beneficial for you as well as your loved one as you navigate this journey together.
To anyone who is experiencing suicidal thoughts or ideations, I don’t know your story and I don’t fully understand what you have been going through (because no one can except you) but I do understand that the war in your mind is exhausting. I understand that it can often feel easier to let the negative ‘voices’ and thoughts win instead of fighting them. The decision to continue living will not lead to an easy journey. There will be good days and there will be bad days but even in those bad days, you will pull through; you will survive. So I hope you hear me when I say this ... "you are loved, you are worthy, you are strong, you are enough, the world is a better place with you in it and you do deserve to be here!"
In case you or a loved one are struggling with suicidal thoughts/ideations, feel free to reach out to me today. Remember, your feelings are valid and so is your pain. You do not have to walk this journey on your own. Lean on those around you. There is no shame in asking for help. Also, here's a list of hotlines you can contact in cases of emergency; https://twitter.com/Alvinmwangi254/status/1484820461355769858?t=2Ig9tEKOVowCAPwatAvUbA&s=09
(PS: Check out my other posts on managing internal pressure and understanding vulnerability. Subscribe to my blog to get notified every time I post and follow me on my social media handles to keep in touch.)
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