When Hope Starts To Hurt

I've been reflecting about hopelessness alot recently. And I realised that you rarely start out at the bottom of the valley. Whether it's about work, relationships or life in general, you almost always start out with hope. You believe that things will work out. The goal feels possible and attainable. And in our minds, it feels like a straight line. If I do this and that then surely, it will work out. In any case one plus one is two no?

What I've discovered though, is that life is rarely a straight line. As simple as it feels in the beginning, we are constantly hit with curve balls. Some feel manageable while others feel impossible. And that's where the battle shifts. What once felt easily attainable starts to take months, sometimes even years. And while the world is screaming "keep going", "you got this", internally you start to doubt whether it's actually possible for you. And in many ways, our current society doesn't help with that. We are constantly bombarded with the success stories of others. And whether we like it or not, subconsciously, the comparison happens. "Weren't we in the same place a few years ago? How are things working out for them so easily?"

It only takes a few setbacks for doubt to kick in. You start to question yourself and this "amazing" path you started out on. And slowly, without even noticing it, the shift from hopeful to hopeless happens. You hesistate to put yourself out there again. Getting out of bed feels heavier by the day. Telling people about your dream starts to feel embarrassing, like you're speaking out loud about something you're not sure will happen.

Truthfully, I'm not here to tell you it will all work out. I've had my fair share of disaapointments, so I understand that sometimes you don't want the platitudes. You don't want perfectly packaged encouragement. You just want to see the situation change. Encouragement can feel hollow when reality keeps hurting you. So allow me to say your feelings are valid. Your pain, your anger, your frustration, it's all valid. You don't have to force yourself to be the hopeful, "strong" version of yourself all the time. In this moment, you can just be you; the version of yourself that is tired and worried and wondering how things will actually work out. You can be the version of you that is questioning and doubting and struggling to believe. There's space for you to be that.

More often than not, we rush ourselves out of feeling and end up invalidating our own emotions. We try to convince ourselves to “snap out of it,” to push harder, pray harder, work harder, think more positively. Yet, what we need is the opposite. On the days when everything feels overwhelming, the call is not for you to be harsh on yourself and judge yourself. The call is to be softer, kinder and more gentle. It's a call to sit with your emotions, invite them for tea and ask "what are you trying to communicate to me?"

And as you sit with yourself, you realise that beneath the frustration, anger and exhaustion, lies grief. Grief over your expectations, grief over what could have been; the life you thought you'd live. And just like we don't rush people through the process of grieving their loved ones, maybe we shouldn't rush ourselves through this kind of grief either.

We spend so much of our lives trying to avoid the heaviness of being human. But the truth is, we would never fully appreciate joy if we didn’t also know sorrow. The highs feel high because we’ve experienced lows. The beautiful moments feel beautiful because we understand what it means to ache. All of it, is part of being alive.

So, this post is not a guide on how to fix everything. It’s simply me reminding you that you have permission to feel what you feel without shame. Tomorrow you keep moving forward. Tomorrow you try again. But for today, what's one thing you can do to show yourself some extra tender love and care?

PS: In case you need someone to talk to as you walk this journey, feel free to get in touch and we can schedule something. Also, feel free to check out some of our resources; "The Monthly Financial Tracker" and "The Quarterly Reset Guide" under the shop page.

Below are some articles you may not have read (and in case you have, you can always do a refresher wink, wink).

Take care of yourselves and remember to stay intentional.