If You Could See Yourself Through My Eyes

"If you could see yourself through my eyes ..." A friend said this to me once, a few years ago, as I explained to them all the things I felt were missing in my life at that moment. At the time, I was focusing on the things that were not where I wanted them to be instead of all the things I had achieved. Looking back at it now, I wonder why we as human beings tend to focus on the negatives/the things we lack rather than the positives/the things we have.

In my quest to answer this question, I came across an explanation that compared our brains to a computer system. The gist of it is that as long as we provide a computer with input that it expects or anticipates, then it runs normally without any hitches. However, the minute something unexpected is fed into the system, an error appears. In the same way, as long as things go the way we think they will, our brains don’t necessarily register them (because hey, the system is running smoothly). However, in those moments when things don’t go as expected, the brain often emphasizes that because it impacts the system.

Now in our day-to-day lives, there are many things that often ‘fall short’ of what we imagine to be ideal. In some cases, this applies to the people around us and to ourselves. Recently, we have heard more and more talk about embracing our flaws/shortcomings. We recognise that the pursuit of perfection is futile because nothing and no one is perfect. Yet it is often very difficult to openly acknowledge that we are lacking in certain areas.

Going back to the computer analogy, when a programmer encounters an error in their code, the code doesn’t run until the error (the 'flaw') is resolved. Our brains often function in the same manner. We fixate and ruminate on the flaws and the weaknesses we have in hopes that we can resolve them and then keep going with our lives. This explains why it's hard for us to talk about some of the areas where we are 'struggling'. Subconsciously, we may have hope that we can 'resolve' the issues as fast as possible and no one will have to know. The only problem is that as we continue to grow, change and evolve we discover new things we like about ourselves and new things we don’t like. The same goes for those around us. So what am I getting at? Our self-perception (the way we see ourselves) is driven by how our brains interpret the things we like about ourselves and the things we do not like.

How many times do you hear someone else's story and think, wow, they are so inspiring? Fortunately or unfortunately, many people are unaware of the impact they have on others because they don’t see it. To them, the system is running without a hitch. For the most part, they are also fixating on the different areas that they need to improve. They may not even be aware that what they do daily (their 'normal') appears extraordinary. If I can bring it close to home, you may not know that what you do daily is exceptional to the people around you.

When I say exceptional, I don't mean overachieving. I mean that your actions leave an impact, one way or another. From the simple things like; listening to a friend in crisis, showing up when someone needs you, how you play the guitar, your voice, how you make people laugh ... all these things we do on a day-to-day basis , all these things that make us who we are, contribute to our extraordinary.

So what do we do so that we can see this in ourselves? How do we move from fixating on the issues that need improvement to acknowledging all that we do and all that we are? The short answer is to shift our point of focus. When you wear blue sunglasses, you see everything as blue. Our self-perception is kind of like that. As long as we only focus on our flaws, that will continue to be what we see. Unless we change our point of focus, we may never begin to take stock and appreciate who we are, where we have come from and what we have achieved. It definitely sounds easier said than done. It takes time to unlearn and relearn but that doesn't mean it's not doable.

We all need that reminder from time to time that we are doing a great job. So in case, you haven't felt it in a while, allow me to remind you ... you are doing an excellent job. The things you do daily have an impact on those around you. You may not see it but they do. Though, wouldn’t it be nice if you could see it too?

At the end of the day, remember that what you say to yourself matters. You are in control of your thoughts. You have the power to change the narrative. You can change your point of focus so that you are not just emphasising all the things that need to be 'fixed'. You deserve to celebrate yourself. So today, pat yourself on the back for all that you do and remember that you are doing a great job.

Well, that's it from me. Remember to like, comment and share this post with those around you who may need this reminder. Also, in case you would like to have a one-on-one conversation with me on how to navigate this journey of shifting your point of focus and enhancing your self-perception, book a consultation with me today. Check out my previous posts on managing internal pressure and understanding vulnerability. Until next time, stay intentional!